Decisons

Every day, right from the minute that I wake up in the morning, to the minute that I fall off to sleep, I have to make decisions. Most are minor ones, like wondering which toothpaste I should use today, or whether or not I should bunk the next math class, but also, I have to come across harder decisions, that may or may not end up affecting the career I choose, and the kind of life that I will lead. Decisions like when I should give me SATs, hell, even whether or not I should give my SAT. Which universities I should apply to. Ivy League, or IIT?

If I were to believe what people like Steve Jobs say, I can simply relax, sit back and trust that one day when I look back, I will be able to see all the dots connect. Of course, there’s always that nagging doubt, what if the dots don’t connect. Even if they do, what if they connect in a bad way?

My parents and teachers keep telling me that I’m very lucky, having so many options at hand. I can choose between various career options, when they had only three: Medicine, Engineering, or starvation. These days even being a hair stylist can be lucrative. I can choose between hundreds, no thousands of TV channels, even. They only had Doordarshan, that too only on Sunday nights. But when I think about it, I’m not sure if the ‘millions of options’ thing has worked out for me very well. In fact, I’m not even sure that I like it very much. Somehow, I keep thinking, that my parents will still make the decisions for me, even though I know that I want to be able to make my life altering decisions by myself. It’s terrifying, because I can see that my safety net, is slowly slipping away.

I still hope, that one morning, I’ll wake up, and it’ll all be clear to me. I’ll know which subject I want to study, I’ll know exactly when and how many times I want to give my SATs. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find out whether or not which clothes to wear to a party. But till then, I guess I’ll just have to remain terrified about the decisions that I’m making. The only thing that makes it easier for me, is knowing that even though I have to make these choices, I’m not the only one.

Hi, sorry if I really bored whoever is still reading. Next time, I promise that I will post a short story that will hopefully keep you more entertained. Thanks for reading!

Ishita.